Should I ask for a Medical Evaluation for Accepting a Referral?

ABSOLUTELY !!! I have met quite a few families who are afraid to ask the right questions to the agency and really base it on a huge “leap of faith”. To every family who is doing it for the first time, I would strongly recommend to get as much “medical information” about the child as possible.

We had a family friend who adopted a child several years ago. They had very limited medical information on the child and without discussing any details, had quite a number of medical issues.  It took a toll on both of our friends and took a huge toll on their marriage. Ask yourself “Are you prepared to handle it?”.

 REMEMBER, YOUR BEST SHOT IN GETTING ALL THE MEDICAL INFORMATION ABOUT THE CHILD IS ONLY BEFORE ACCEPTING THE REFERRAL.

When we received our referral, our medical file was incomplete.  In this country, to buy a simple perfume or electronic gadget, we go to two different stores and make sure you are getting the right item. While I do understand that adopting a child is not the same as buying a gadget, it is important for us to get as much information on the child so that we can give them the much-needed help to give them a jump-start or to prepare yourself in dealing with the kind of medical issues.

If there is a family that is considering a referral or you are going down to bring your child home, make sure you get all the information from the orphanage or the indian agency you are working with. Get the complete medical file. Make a full copy of it. If you can’t get a copy, make notes and go through it.

 Our medical file on our son was so incomplete and it was way-off the charts.  I pushed my agency and told them to get me more information which after waiting for 2 months, was absolutely of no help.  So, I said “Enough is enough”.  Thankfully, my sister lives in india and I told her to fly in to see my son. She took the help of another friend who has been dealing with adoption all her life. I called the agency and told them that my sister will be coming down to see my son and that she will be taking him for a medical evaluation.

 When I told my US agency, they were actually quite okay and infact, welcomed it. I have also had friends who had spoken to their own agency and got an absolute “NO”.   In the meantime,  I had made a Word document detailing the list of medical tests to be done (I got this from my local pediatrician) which is listed below..

 Typical tests and screenings recommended for newly adopted children include: 

Physical examination: Complete physical, check heart, pulse, heart-beat

Developmental screening: Meeting milestones that is age appropriate

Gross Motor Skills, Fine Motor Skills, Cognitve Skills

Hearing screening

Vision screening

stool sample tests for parasites and Giardia

Complete CBC (blood count)

HIV test, usually recommended to be repeated six months after arrival

Hepatitis tests (A,B and C), usually recommended to be repeated six months after arrival

TB skin test- should be repeated six months after arrival

Rickets screen (if rickets is a concern)

Thyroid function test

Antibody titers, to determine which, if any, vaccinations have been given (only for kids over one year old)

If my agency had not co-operated in arranging for a medical evaluation, I was planning to do two things:

a. to email the medical form that I had made with the above tests listed.  My agency did say that if my sister could not make it,  I could send the document outlining all the medical tests to them and they did mention that they will talk to the Indian orphanage in getting the doctor to fill out the form.

b. Remember, most of the times, even the orphanage is looking to place the children with a good, loving family. With regard to the medical tests, most indian orphanages cannot afford to have a detailed exam. I offered to pay for the medical exam and if you are serious about getting a medical evaluation, make sure you do mention it. Lot of times, it is the cost.

Sometimes, agencies/orphanages have done some things a certain way and they forget to think outside the box. It is okay to ask something more so that this could open the doors for every body. When we were getting our son, we had the pleasure of hooking up with 7 other families who were adopting from the same orphanage. We became a chummy gang and still keep in touch with each other. All of us got together and insisted on Monthly pictures of all the kids, Medical tests every 2 months and on top of that, we made the agency to hire an outside doctor to conduct a complete medical evaluation. All it takes it to think outside the box. It had never been done before.

c. Make sure you insist on more pictures of your loving child.  If you can get a video, that is even better.

d. If you have family or a friend who lives in India, pay for their airfare and ask them to fly in. If you have the resources, why not?

That is my take on it. It is a life-time decision and be prepared. Make an informed decision to take the best path for you, your family and for the child that is coming in looking for only one thing from you: LOVE

How does one go about selecting an Agency?

Once we made the decision to adopt, I did two major searches. using these two tools. Yellow Pages and the Internet.

a. Get the yellow pages and looked under adoption. Start calling. Ask them if they are licensed in your state to do a homestudy and if they deal with Inter-country Adoption.

If the answer is yes, then ask them which countries they deal with. Are they an agency that deals with the country you are interested in. If they are not, ask them if they are working with a partner agency that deals with Indian Adoptions.

I live in chicago, IL. I interviewed with three Adoption agencies and met them in person. The cost of the homestudy was roughly the same which was around 2700 dollars + or – 200 dollars. The agency in mundelein told me that they no longer worked with India and did not really offer any support with any other agency that worked with India.

I spoke to another agency in chicago and didn’t really care for the response I received. Inter-country Adoption instigates the “fear of the unknown” and it is important for my agency to be there to hold my hand if there is trouble.

I personally chose “SUNNY RIDGE FAMILY CENTER” in bolingbrook, IL because

My social worker PAM is fantastic and explained the process to me patiently. SUNNY RIDGE does not have an india program, but does work with their partner agencies, CHSFS in Minneapolis and Wide Horizons in Boston.

2. Do a search on the internet about the different agencies and what they specialize in. Check out their website. Lot of them do give referral information about other families you can talk to. Pick up the phone and call them.

3.  So, what is a homestudy? This is an excerpt from the SUNNY RIDGE website which has been modified with additional information.. WATCH OUT! BE PREPARED TO FILL OUT FORMS, PAPERWORK AND MORE PAPERWORK…When I was done, I had to prepare 5 binders for my son alone. I had to do one for SUNNY RIDGE and one for CHSFS..It is so easy to get caught in the paperwork and forget that at the end of all this paperwork, there is a live kicking child who is reaching out to you.

The Process As you may know, the home study is a required document by state and foreign governments. Sunny Ridge will send you an application  that requests you for your name, relationship details and also has forms that includes documentation such as birth and marriage certificates, tax and income records, police and child protective services record clearance, your financial assets information, why you decided to adopt etc. During the home study process, Sunny Ridge will gather from you information about your background, parenting practices, and reasons for adopting. A professional social worker from Sunny Ridge will in most cases, meet with you at the agency, and will visit your home to interview you and all members of your household. The worker will also be sure your home has no safety hazards for a child, and will write a report based on all the information received. We had one joint interview at the sunny ridge office, we had individual interviews with the social work and also a psychological profile test for each of us and then a final session with PAM coming to our home to check the house. You might think, this process goes fairly quickly. This took us 3 and 1/2 months.  Usually you will be issued a foster care license as part of the home study process. In the meantime, your social worker will give you instructions to apply for I-600A ( Application for advance processing of Orphan petition ) with US immigration. Why do you need this? Refer to my page on I-600A for more details.

4. Cost is definitely a consideration. Take a realistic approach. Ask the agencies to give you a breakdown. In most cases, the split is as follows:

Initial Application fee: $300.00 ( which is invariably non-refundable ).

Homestudy: $2,800.00

For Inter-Country Adoption: Program Registration -$3,000-$4,000 ( which invariably helps pay the social workers, costs incurred by the US agency ).

India-CARA specified fees as allowed by the guidelines: $3,500 ( this most likely will go to the orphanage in India )

Humanitarian Aid fees: $3,000-$4,000 ( which goes to the different projects that the agency is involved with. You can find out details  about the various projects the agencies are involved in ). All these payments are done at various stages in the process.

5. Now to the crucial part, find out from the Agency, clearly which orphanages they work with. This was a biggie that I missed and paid a dear price. Write the names down and the cities they are in. Do a search on the net about them.

6. Ask the agency

• How many staff are a part of the India program? What would be a good time to get hold of them? You need someone who is responsive and more sensitive to your needs. 
• how many children have been placed in the last one year
• The approximate waiting time for a referral.
• How many families are there in the queue right now?
• Have they had any issues recently with any of the orphanages they work with?
• Any of the orphanages which is currently getting their license renewed or in the near future? BEWARE! RIGHT NOW, INTER-COUNTRY ADOPTION IS SUCH A HOT TOPIC IN INDIA THAT NOT ALL ORPHANAGES ARE HAVING THEIR LICENSE RENEWED.

6. Most importantly, with the new guidelines from CARA, the amount paid by the agency to the orphanage has to meet the amount set by CARA. I believe, it is around $3,500 per child. How clean are the agency’s records? This is extremely crucial. If your adoption hits a snag and you end up taking matters in your own hands, it is important for the agency to have clean books.

7. An excellent source of reference is ofcourse, the ICHILD mailing list. It is an mailinglist exclusively dedicated to adoption from India. A fantastic group where you can willingly participate and you do get some wonderful feedback or you can just sit on the side and do some quiet reading.  To subscribe, just go to http://www.ichild.org/ichildlist.htm ( To view all the groups for adoption from India, just go to http://www.ichild.org/lists.htm ).

8. Definitely, get a bunch of reference information from the agency about the families you can talk and who are willing to share their experiences.

I spoke to one family who had adopted twin girls. They gave me a bunch of tips that were very helpful. Better to be informed…Doesn’t hurt..

Am I ready to take the first step?

There are quite a number of people who say that they would love to adopt a child. How many really do? Very few… Most couples try several options in trying to have a baby. Sometimes, it could be medical issues like the mis-carriages I have had or the failed IVF treatments or delaying it so long forgetting that the biological cycle is slowing down..

Whatever the reason may be, I can sympathize with all the families that go through the roller-coaster ride every month. I have been through that and I know what it feels like. I stopped going to parties at one point because of the “How many children do you have” questions… I used to think, that almost everyone was in the same boat as me. ( Medical issues etc. )..Gee I find that there are wonderful families who voluntarily take the decision to adopt and their willingness to bring this little child into their already complete life is truly amazing!! My hats off to my friend Lisa Heart-of-gold who in addition to being single, has adopted two wonderful girls and just being a great mom!..

So, when is the right time?

1. If you are married, make sure, you and your husband are in sync in your thinking. If one partner is out of sync, STOP right here. That will too much pressure on your current relationship and it’s future. It is DEFINITELY NOT FAIR TO THE CHILD.  If you are single, think about it long term. How does it affect your future relationships and the future for this child? How you would handle it?

2. If I were to advice someone right now, the first thing I would say ” Take the decision early. Don’t wait like I did”. I am 40 years old right now. When I took the decision to adopt, I was 38. I started thinking about adoption when I was 34. Several people adviced me saying “First, have your own biological child and then you can adopt the second child”. What a fool I was. One does not depend on the other.

3.  My social worker asked a very interesting question in my interview. She said “Are you coming here because you want to get pregnant?”. I was insulted..She said that she has seen several couples who come there to adopt purely on superstition that they might get pregnant once they make the decision to adopt. I thought about it later. While I laughed at the idea, I could understand the logic behind. When the stress of  trying to become pregnant goes away, your body tends to relax a little bit and it is almost like a big stone is lifted off your shoulders. That probably gets a good percentage of women pregnant.

4. If you have older children, talk to them about. Have an open discussion. Express your thoughts Ask them questions. How would they fit in with this new addition to your family.

5.  Emotionally, do you have a balance? Are you going through any stressful situations? Inter-country adoption has it’s own bag of risks and problems. Can you handle the stress?  We went through  one and 1/2 years of pure hell to bring our son home. I camped in india for 7 months and I was not going to come back empty-handed. It is a huge leap of faith.  Ask yourself “Can you handle it”.

6. Most importantly, financially, is it this feasible? Inter-country Adoptions run anywhere from 10000 – 18000 dollars. Adoptions from India usually average around 15000 dollars. In addition, you have the expense of flying to india, tickets for you and your child…it adds up. Be realistic about your financial situation.

7. If you have made the decision, then seriously think about where you would like to adopt the baby from. Ask yourself “Why”. Most of them have personal reasons for doing so.

Welcome! Namaste! Vanakkam !…

Glad you could stop by at my blog..I have been meaning to do this since I heard the word “Blog” for the first time.  I wanted to dedicate this to my son, who is a 2 1/2 year old bundle of joy. He is just so adorable that I feel like taking in all the children who are waiting for that unconditional love to descend upon them.

 It has been six months since my son came home and there are several days when I really wonder “Did this really to happen to me”.  Now that, he is settled in and since a new chapter has begun, it seemed appropriate that I should write my experiences so that someone could use this as a good reference.

I have received several phone calls from different families who are just starting the process and how our experiences were..God, I wish, I could sum it all up in a few phrases…but Intercountry Adoption is such a long saga that spans several chapters and wanted to create a blog  that could do a half-decent job.

So, for every newcomer who is interested in adopting from India, here it is..

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