There are quite a number of people who say that they would love to adopt a child. How many really do? Very few… Most couples try several options in trying to have a baby. Sometimes, it could be medical issues like the mis-carriages I have had or the failed IVF treatments or delaying it so long forgetting that the biological cycle is slowing down..
Whatever the reason may be, I can sympathize with all the families that go through the roller-coaster ride every month. I have been through that and I know what it feels like. I stopped going to parties at one point because of the “How many children do you have” questions… I used to think, that almost everyone was in the same boat as me. ( Medical issues etc. )..Gee I find that there are wonderful families who voluntarily take the decision to adopt and their willingness to bring this little child into their already complete life is truly amazing!! My hats off to my friend Lisa Heart-of-gold who in addition to being single, has adopted two wonderful girls and just being a great mom!..
So, when is the right time?
1. If you are married, make sure, you and your husband are in sync in your thinking. If one partner is out of sync, STOP right here. That will too much pressure on your current relationship and it’s future. It is DEFINITELY NOT FAIR TO THE CHILD. If you are single, think about it long term. How does it affect your future relationships and the future for this child? How you would handle it?
2. If I were to advice someone right now, the first thing I would say ” Take the decision early. Don’t wait like I did”. I am 40 years old right now. When I took the decision to adopt, I was 38. I started thinking about adoption when I was 34. Several people adviced me saying “First, have your own biological child and then you can adopt the second child”. What a fool I was. One does not depend on the other.
3. My social worker asked a very interesting question in my interview. She said “Are you coming here because you want to get pregnant?”. I was insulted..She said that she has seen several couples who come there to adopt purely on superstition that they might get pregnant once they make the decision to adopt. I thought about it later. While I laughed at the idea, I could understand the logic behind. When the stress of trying to become pregnant goes away, your body tends to relax a little bit and it is almost like a big stone is lifted off your shoulders. That probably gets a good percentage of women pregnant.
4. If you have older children, talk to them about. Have an open discussion. Express your thoughts Ask them questions. How would they fit in with this new addition to your family.
5. Emotionally, do you have a balance? Are you going through any stressful situations? Inter-country adoption has it’s own bag of risks and problems. Can you handle the stress? We went through one and 1/2 years of pure hell to bring our son home. I camped in india for 7 months and I was not going to come back empty-handed. It is a huge leap of faith. Ask yourself “Can you handle it”.
6. Most importantly, financially, is it this feasible? Inter-country Adoptions run anywhere from 10000 – 18000 dollars. Adoptions from India usually average around 15000 dollars. In addition, you have the expense of flying to india, tickets for you and your child…it adds up. Be realistic about your financial situation.
7. If you have made the decision, then seriously think about where you would like to adopt the baby from. Ask yourself “Why”. Most of them have personal reasons for doing so.
